Impatience

Sometimes, I am so impatient. Life can be perfectly good some days, but I miss the bliss of the moment because I am waiting for something better I've planned. I get antsy with my job for no reason other than wondering if there's something better I could be doing. I miss out on what God is doing in and through my life now because I'm worried about the "bigger" things He might want me to do later.

Whenever one of these spells hits, it's helpful (at least for me) to think about impulsive people in the Bible. Abraham, Jacob, King Saul, Peter ... even Judas. While God restored some of these people after they forced His hand or tried to make things happen on their own, they still missed out on the better things He wanted for them. Abraham ended up with a domestic dispute between his wife and son and her handmaiden and son. We're still dealing with that one. Then we have Jacob and all the crazy plots, like tricking his father and swindling his brother. He spent years on the run for that one. Saul's impatience meant that he lost his kingdom, not just for himself, but also his descendants. Also, he died a pretty miserable death and lost his sons. Peter, well, where do we start? He did some wild things and is often used to illustrate just how stupid people can be. And Judas? Well, you know what happened there. It's the saddest story of all, really.

Looking back at a relatively few years on earth, God has pointed out to me some times when I really wanted Him to get me out of something--NOW! In the present it's obvious that back then God wanted me to have a specific experience, help someone or just learn to trust that He had a really good idea of what to do with my life. This is a lesson I still don't think has gotten through my thick skull.

Right now, as far as my calling in life goes, things are not perfect, but calm. Perfect time for impatience to set in. "God, isn't there something bigger and cooler I could do for you?" Suddenly all the opportunities given me at church and through my career look pathetic and insignificant. So I fight the temptation to be dissatisfied. Starting here, I am going to try to have a different outlook. That 15 millionth meeting at church won't be another thing eating up my time. It will be a chance to catch another piece of what God is doing now, not in five years. I am going to remember that every slow time and dark place has somehow polished my character and abilities and that none of them takes God by surprise. Finally, I will enjoy the good today God is giving me instead of rushing ahead to tomorrow.

Yes, this is maybe more personal a blog than I usually put out there, but it feels like doing so will make me remember these thoughts and live them out.

Anyone wanna join in?